a copy of a letter to a closed christian philosopher list. i got several very good pointers including the plantinga dialogue. thanks to those guys....

dear brethren.

my name is richard williams, i have a ba in biochem, went to
westminster in calif for a year (a long time ago), recently went back
to univ to study computer sci and electrical engineering. i'm
committed to a reformed view of Christianity and as committed to a
reasoned approach to life through science.

i looked for a joined the list simply because i have no where else to
ask this question.

taking some time off(almost 3 years now) from life to tie up loose
intellectual ends. you know the burning questions that you felt and
argued about all night long when you where younger but got lost in the
business of life, and wife, and kids, and money etc etc.

so about 2 months ago i revisited my old friend and heartbreaker
evolution and creation. i've been through a pile of books and many
sleepless nights staring at the roof thinking.

ok....more than enough background. basically i am finding myself
moving to a theistic evolutionary viewpoint. now the church has
forcefully condemned the position as wrong. (op pca)

the question boils down to the role of reason in our/my life.
i understand, i think, the ramifications of "I believe in order that i
might understand". committed to the proposition that reason does not
escape the effects of the fall and can/will lead us astray, that is
why the church's position is important to me.

so my question. i'd like references to work through the
epistemological questions around scientific viewpoint with special
emphasis on evo-creation. i am just going to rest with the pile of
books yet to go on the issue and move focus to looking at the role of
reason in scientific endeavor.

thanks for letting me enter into your world, if only to pick your
brains.....

your brother in our lord. richard

the new year is naturally a time for reflection and recommittment to principles. to this end i will begin to structure my reading and hope to write a paper on my conclusions.

so this will be the preliminary sketch.

start with the image of the two books of god. that of nature read by science and that of scripture read by theology. what is the nature of the relationship between the two? start with galileo, in the conflict between the beginnings of physics and the received wisdom of the church how does conflict arise and how is it settled. the second big crisis is in biology and it begins with darwin and continues to today. look for analogies back to galileo on how the two communities interact. what makes the biological confrontation so important is that it determines the nature of the subject, mankind, himself. the astronomical revolution moved man from the center of the universe to it's periphery, the biological moves man from a unique position as a little lower than the angels back into a de-enchanted world as just a little higher than the apes.

Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus

opc article

article at reformation societies

The Westminster Confession of Faith XXV:2 claims as much for the visible church, where it states, “The visible church, which is also catholic or universal under the gospel (not confined to one nation, as before under the law), consists of all those throughout the world that profess the true religion; and of their children: and is the kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ, the house and family of God, out of which there is no ordinary possibility of salvation.”

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movie review of mothman prophecies


today in a scientific age, the horror without the disclaimer "based on real events" is hollow and remote. this movoe starts with such a disclaimer and builds from there. scary, technically a little too fragmented this strange camera angles and movements meant to heighten the fear somewhat distracting with their quickness/rapidity. but a well done horror movie desiring of a sequel. with a little bit of reality questioning going on so you have something to talk about after the movie with your friends. do such mothman exist? is reality as we so cheerly believe it to be, somehow be wrong? what about kow to handle a slow moving slide into insanity as richard geer saw himself doing? performances where excellent, geer certainly adds lots to the movie with his talents. just rent it yourself and feel your spine tingle and hairs stand upon end as mine did.

Dear Phil and Elders


It is hard to understand just how difficult the last four weeks have been since you rejected my application for church membership. I suspect it will end up being one of the most critical events in my life. I write now to you less in a defensive manner trying to justify the internal turmoil I am going through than as a means towards self explanation, self examination to try to begin to understand what is happening.

It would be simple if it were simply an issue of very thin skin, for I am aware that I have a very low tolerance for rejection. For I can remember my first job clearly and the fact that I was fired for moving too slowly. Or my next where I was terminated for trying to do too much, for moving too fast. Rejection may supply some of the motivating emotional nexus but it is not the major issue.

I was surprised and overjoyed to find your church and the biblical preaching it contains. I believe that preaching is analogous to the inspiration of scripture. How is it that the Bible is the very word of God? Somehow God breathes into scripture through the medium of its writers’ minds and hearts exactly what He means to say for all of time. This is a great mystery at it’s roots, but part of the answer must be that He used the mental apparatus of the writers, the culture of the times, to relay a message not just to them but to all subsequent readers. Now I don’t underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit to follow alongside the words, to give them meaning. But there is certainly something special about the process of inspiration. In such an analogous way true biblical preaching, inspired by the words of Scripture are effective to our souls. Causing us to reform and align ourselves more fully with the very word of God. Phil has such preaching and I was conscious that this was the first time since our pastor Ed left for Detroit and denominational work that I was under such biblical teaching.

My only criterion for a church is biblical preaching. That is why going to a liberal church is simply out of the question. It would be easier for a liberal church to tolerant a religious fundamentalist/conservative that apparently a conservative with a scientific attitude has in a traditional church. But I find this a poor solution because of their attitude towards the Bible. It is no understatement that the words of the confession, “outside of the church there is no ordinary salvation” echoed in my mind due to the preaching I heard there.

No rejection is not all of the answer, but it certainly enters in. For this rejection echoes the major rejection of my life in seminary. There too I was conscious of telling God here I am send me, and in response the church said no, like you have done.

I was in the last year of UCSD, applied to graduate school and during a crucial examination a very important professor told me that there was no place in the scientific community for a religious fundamentalist like me. So I looked for the window that proverbially opens when doors are shut, I found it in the foundation of Westminster West only a few miles from UCSD. So I finished my biochem studies and took Greek, Hebrew and Bible in preparation to going to seminary. While in seminary I was struck by the fact that I was again on the outside, this time my scientific background alienated me from my fellow students. I was almost too scientific for the theology I was learning. I settled the problem then as I do now by understanding that the church is a repository of knowledge and that conflicts with received doctrine bear an enormous burden of proof to show themselves consistent with the faith once received by the fathers. In this way my studies have always lead to conservative conclusions despite my often reading of ‘the other side’. It was asking the church for the recognization of the outer call that troubles came. It is the echo of that rejection that rings so strongly today with your rejection. So I do not have the outer call to preach nor now a faith sufficient to convince anyone that I belong. This is sad to me. For in many ways the rejection of 20 years ago only recently ended for me.

That rejection ending the seminary years lead me to concentrate of simply living. Literally getting the kids to adulthood, sacrificing my desires to study to the need for an income. Three years ago I worked 42 hours per week while attending the university fulltime. You cannot imagine the tiredness of routine 48-hour days, with only a 1-hour nap to try to keep the mind alive. I fell asleep leaning against a wall, sitting in a chair, so that I had to keep moving at work all the time. I did this for 5 years. But it was better than 8 years on the road in a school bus with 6 kids looking for a place to park safely, a place to work. So when my mom killed herself 2 years ago, the inheritance was heaven sent to free me from the economic compulsion that had driven me for so many years. I used the time to study. I worked through the issues surrounding my folks deaths, worked through many of the ideas of my own mortality, in general worked on the backlog of thoughts from seminary time onward.

Three summers in China encouraged lots of thinking in that direction, so Alma and I talked seriously of moving to China and teaching English there while learning Chinese and studying Chinese culture. Alma has a much lower tolerance for novelty than do I, she when confronted with the choice, choose to stay here, work at her university job, and eventually retire. So I this September I reluctantly closed the door on further travels to China and looked for opportunities here.

I was encouraged at finding a good church with opportunities to service inside of it. For I am conscious of things I want to share, things inside I want to discuss with like-minded people. I don’t have an outlet for this activity and it is important to me. That is why I volunteered to work on the church’s home page. I would love a need driven learning curve to sharpen my mind, to drive my creativity, to give me an outlet to write.


But your rejection stops all these thoughts. Turns everything inward once again. God knows how important these issues are to me. Why did He reject me? I don’t know. Perhaps it is because my ideas of God are wrong. So I will pursue liberal theology again, reading Bishop Sprong lately helps this wound heal, maybe it is my expectations that God would miraculously intervene, would put me into a place to express myself that might be in error.

My first desire was never to apply again for church membership, even maybe never again to enter a church. To solve the problem of the pain by denying the issues that caused it. I drove for 4 days this week through the northern mountains, with the expressed desire to settle the issue so that I could resume some resemblance of a normal life. For the inability to solve the issue is tearing up my marriage and making me impossible to live with. But like my often stated goal to fast, which never seems to extend more than a couple of days, my initial scream that if you don’t want me than I don’t need you is immature and self defeating. So how do I handle the situation?

I am going to withdraw inside again. Pull in the feelers that were bruised. Study, sell off my books, rebuild my house and build a nice kitchen, which above all else is my wife’s fondest desire. I cannot go back to the church, for the one thing of importance; the preaching is tainted now by my feelings of rejection. They act as a screen between God and me so that I cannot hear the voice of God when I see uncertainty and rejection in the face of His spokesman. They will forever color any relationship possible there. An unfortunate result indeed. It is sad that I have been condemned always to a life of looking into the window from the outside. Never belonging, never wholeheartedly accepted by those we share the deepest things with. But I guess I better get used to it.

Please accept this letter as a way to explain myself to you. Phil told me on the phone that it was necessary to get to know me better before extending the right hand of fellowship. Accept the letter in this vein, a self-exploration addressed to you all. I will post it to my blog at: http://rmwilliamsjr.blogspot.com/ where I post most of my ramblings.


Goodbye.

Richard Williams

i'm going to divide the blog into writing and reading starting today. the address of the reading one will be : http://rmwilliamsjr-books.blogspot.com/

i'll try to post just my writing here from now on. no attempt to separate out the earlier posts since i still dont move around blogger very well. tried to archive and lost everything....

i wrote several long letters last week and thought about the book and the exercises while doing them. i quess that is a big part of learning something new-to internalize and ruminate about it.
this should be the right area for this weeks readings, just into part 2.

-=-=-=-

have you ever met a real storyteller?

some people just really change your life with their words. i've only met 2 storytellers in my life, and dewey was the real thing.

even the way we met was a story. we sold at the same swapmeet, he sold new stuff, we sold junk, he was older and single, i had a growing family of little kids. who knows how long we setup there without ever talking, i recognized him but nothing more. one sunday a lady with a massage table setup near us. somehow she introduced dewey and i. often i wonder how many people i miss meeting because i am reluctant to be the first to speak, to be the first to risk rejection. so dewey and i hit it off, often eating and talking after the swapmeets, sharing stories, observing life as those on the margins of society and outside the mainstream do.

dewey often brought up his experiences in world war 2, they shaped him as they shaped entire populations, on all sides; often not for the better, for war is a cruel teacher. he talked about iwo jima. the blowflies were everywhere, in your eyes, your mouth, dying drown in the coffee in the morning to the last spoonful of rations in the evening. and you just knew they grew in the thousands of dead bodies all over the island. they represented the flesh crawling with their maggots, eating their way through what had been a man, maybe a friend, more likely an enemy just a few days ago. now dead, forgotten, stinking, giving up the blowflies to cover the sand, cover the food, cover the living. he talked passionately of these flies. he really hated flies.

he told the story of the day they had to try to get prisoners. you know that the japanese almost never surrendered, but they were ordered to try. there was a cave with a number of japanese in it. nearby a cliff with a place to stand to yell into the cave, but it was vulnerable to shooting from the cave. their orders required several of them to die to try to talk to convince those inside to surrender. after several men had tried and lay dead at the bottom of the cliff, a tall lanky texan was told to climb the cliff and try again. he told dewey to drag a mattress to the foot of the cliff so his body would have a soft place to land. he died, falling down the cliff to land on the mattress dewey had put there for him. i can today remember dewey's tears as he relived the story for me.

the last snipet of war was after it was over. the war ended even as troops were moved closer to japan for the eventual invasion. the planners simply hadn't expected the war to end so abruptly. thousands of troops were out on hundreds of hunks of rock in the pacific. brought there over many months. now they all wanted to go home....now.

so they tried to put chairs in the bombbays of planes, dewey recounted that error as he watch several doomed GI's plunge out of a plane just as it took off. it didn't work and they paid the ultimate price for someone elses stupidity. how sad. how stupid. how typically military minded.

dewey's stories shared his world with me as few ever have. thanks dewey for the gems you carried with you, for us to hear and learn from, as i know you did.

So what’s the big deal?

So what if once again I don’t fit? A round peg ought not to try so hard to be square.
It just confirms that sinking feeling that I really don’t belong anywhere.

The problem is that I am not cut out of a whole piece of cloth like most people seem to be. They are liberal or conservative across the board, from the marrow of their bones to the edges of their skin. Me, I’m like frankenstein’s monster, sewn and stitched together from numerous books and endless late night talks with people from all over. Most people take a system and run with it for their entire lives; if they change, it is a complete changeover to a new system. The cost of looking at each piece, to be often in internal limbo, and the high cost of inner inconsistency is too high a one for most of us to invest in. except apparently me. I was too religious for a secular university, too scientific for a seminary, too smart to sharpen lawnmowers, to dumb to stick it out in grad school. And now too intellectual to be a church member. It was one thing to tell me that I didn’t have the outer call to go into the church as a teacher but I’m never heard of the bar lowered to membership before. I must really be upsetting people. Sad thing is I don’t know how or with what.

The long term fallout will be with the kids however. After making a big deal that going to church was not optional, that all that mattered was good preaching, they now are simply amazed at the events. I wouldn’t be surprised if we can never get them to church again, this being the issue they will raise if we try. That is sad. For like Christ the church is divine and human, unlike Christ is is a mixture of the two and will make mistakes. I can only dream of what the last 25 years would have been like if the church had only encouraged us a little, rather then so bluntly closing the door. And now the door appears to be closed a little more, not on me but on the kids lives. Some how that is a little sadder then even seminary’s deep, longsuffering sadness.

Some would say just go to a liberal church, with their high tolerance principle they will tolerant a mixed bag conservative far more that a conservative church will tolerant another conservative with liberal leanings. Again back to first principles, all that matters in a church is true biblical preaching. The liberal church is not biblical. Liberals raise reason too high so it reigns over faith, while apparently conservatives can fear reason so it overrides their faith…

--- In deliberationoftheology@yahoogroups.com, "Gretel Ayre" wrote:
> thinkcreation, greetings.
>
> I don't think we have met before.

-->i am new to the list. here looking for an outlet for creative thought. and minds to share heart felt things with.
i am reformed, ba in biochem, worked towards mar at westminster in calif. 20 years ago. that is as close to an intro i can do *grin*


> My problems, however, are not solved by trying to understand how people of
> old related to their god. I can understand that the idea of trying to please
> a god by giving of the best of their livestock grain etc.

--->i think that is where to begin however with an analysis of the historical cultural context then move on to to draw parallels and inferences towards our time and culture. place to begin is historical but the ending is with application to my life here and now.


> What i cannot understand is why the God I worship wants us to kill anything
> in order to be able to approach him. Why does the blood of any living thing
> need to be shed?
>

---->this is our motivation. a discontinuity between what we see taught and what we feel is needed or even real.

---->start to work out your answers with God's clothing adam and eve with animal skins immediately after the fall, this versus their attempt with tree leaves.
through the entire sacrificial system of the OT.
to the overwhelming fact that Jesus shed his blood from hands and feet on the cross.
then see the culmination in heb 9:22 22 And according to the Law, {one may} almost {say,} all things are cleansed with blood, and without shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

now the question is in sharper focus with the pointed question of how is god's wrath satisfied by this shedding of blood? is it the blood that turns away his wrath? that satisfies his justice?

i dont believe so, i think it is images of obedience through sacrifices of self that is the point. the deaths of the animals in the OT pointed towards the sacrifice of jesus on the cross. they were teaching aids to instruct the hebrews on how to think about these things.

---->so the shedding of blood is graphical stating that (god's) forgiveness requires (the sinner's) death.

my first (and probably 2nd 3rd etc) impression of this line of reasoning is how crude to teach us with such violence and graphic detail. i believe in is because of god's holiness and transcedence that he saw fit to use such grossly distasteful images to transmit to us the utter awefulness of sin and his total otherness (opposed to us).



back to your question. god doesnt want us to kill animals to please him. he killed jesus, the human sacrifical lamb, in our places. jesus sacrifice is the only thing that ever turned god's wrath away from it's objective- the destruction of sinfulness.

the big question seems to revolve around why is sin so bad that it requires death. the repulsive character of a baby lamb being slaughter for human sins might be so graphic in order to get an important lesson through our thick skulls.

sorry to ramble on so. but it is something i too struggle with.
sin just doesnt seem all that aweful.
the OT seems so very different from the NT, one so bloody and vengeful the other so kindly and loving...

about church membership

clarify the issues about the local church.

distinction between the visible and invisible church.
the image of the church universal invisible through the ages, across all human cultures is that of the body of christ, or sometimes as the bride of christ. images first of solidarity and then a lead in for the discussion of the gifts of the spirit to the church.
so why join a local visible church? clearly commanded, forsake not the gathering together as some are apt to do. and the confession's neglect not the means of grace and outside of the church there is no normal salvation. so christians are not generally saved to be lone individuals but saved into a local community. why? what is this fellowship of the saints? why bother? i can read my bible, study just fine by myself, besides i can move a lot faster without having to slow down for other people who haven't spent the time learning the issues? it has to be more than just a way to control behavior, to root out heresy, to enforce community standards. it may certainly involve those things but if limited to these then the church is join another voluntary organization with normal group dynamics etc. but the images of body and bride are much higher, much more evocative than a book club discussion group. something else must be obtainable.

take another direction. as human beings, most of us need to belong, need to be part of something bigger than ourselves. certainly this need is highjacked by evil groups with their own agendas to remake human nature and to reshape the world with their organization's power. i expect more from the church then this however. i also recognize that shared goals, shared work make for lighter loads, more joyous working conditions, and getting much more accomplished.

so maybe this is the entry point for the discussion of the gifts given to the local church in order to accomplish it's task. the church has a job, a mission to do, and the local church is the immediate context for the doing of this work.
so that the image of the body is one of unity in diversity, one of purposefulness of an organization amidst the multiplicity of individual goals. so that would go a long ways to explaining why under normal circumstances christians are calling into a local body. because the exercise of various gifts feed off one another, no one is complete individually but all together have an adequate talent pool. interesting idea. one size really does fit all.

immediate issue to cause these ruminations is the denial of church membership for me, and as a result of that to alma. guess my desire not to get hurt from her errors cuts both ways sometimes. first question is if i have done something wrong? have i opened my big mouth again and said something wrong? always a possibility with me i am certain, but i dont believe so. usually practice the rule of don't speak unless spoken to. but just to make sure i will double check myself before opening mouth. watch the words more carefully. take the words spoken that the session just doesn't know me well enough to heart and just wait a few months to see how things unwind, or windup.

trouble now becomes the issue needs to be stepped up to a study question in my life to see what is going on. now that the issue is before me i will not be able to rest until i have explored the topic well enough to settle my mind. and i am sure this will take time and effort.

plus making it a big deal with the kid's command performance to attend is going to really backfire. calvin and justin are convinced that the church is some kind of cult and alesha just said, overqualified again huh. just like the years of fruitless job searching. so the long term fallout will be the drop in credibility of the church with the kids. something them will have to work out for themselves if the issues occur in their lives.
so maybe i can go to sleep now, with the ideas committed to electrons...

Subject: Re: Creation is the way!

the big question you are asking is if homology proves descent.
an evolutionist would contend that you can build a phylogenic tree by
mapping the point mutations proposed to link species. a creationist
would say that this is simply intelligent design, and that evolution
can not be proven until we can see in a laboratory the process of
micro-evolution creating a new species before our eyes.
blah blah in a never ending discussuion where we literally talk pass
each other. apparently neither side really listening to the other.

if you want proof of how evolution works go look at r. doolittle's
work in gene duplication explaining blood clotting proteins. he is a
good place to begin because he is so very strongly opposed to
creationists, furthermore the issue was in _darwin's black box_ and
now in _quantum evolution_. each writer aware of each other's
positions and speaking to the scientific issues. just run blood
clotting proteins evolution at any search engine and read the threads.

the problem with the whole creation-evolution is that the real issues
are under the surface. for the scientific community the issue is what
is science? what is it's epistemology? and once the community comes to
more or less firm theories how is the larger community to react to
these theories?

for the creationist the issue is anthropology. the nature of man
ourselves. face it guys, you really don't care if the way God created
the lamprey was to evolve from some other slimy creature. it is the
issue of man's nature that is important. it's the slippery slope of
ethics and the position of historical revealed religion that bother's
creationists. not the technic per se but the ramification's of what it
might mean if man was nothing more than a naked evolved ape.

so we go around with radically different agenda's. not really talking
about what is important to each group.

take the roman catholic solution. man's body evolved according to the
neo darwinian synthesis but what makes us people, what makes us in the
image of God is a unique creation of the human soul. nice, it
postpones the issue for awhile, God remains a god of the gaps in the
mind-body problem.

try to look at the issue from the other guys point of view. if you
can't see the overwhelming data for evolution then you just aren't
looking at the data. the fossil record has transitional forms. protein
homology confirms 100 years of gross anatomical descent trees with a
few surprises. the predictive power of evolution is nice and it works.
creation has no research program, no predictive value, no robustness.
all BIGGies in the philosophy of science.




--

Subject: what would it take to discriminate ID from evolution?

a couple of possibilities.

errors like the inactive gene for vitamin c in humans

stupid things like the bodies of nerve cells on the light incoming
side of the retina.


what would it take to change the mind of an evolutionist to ID?

one brand new species with no homology to any other creature. Poof,
God creates a new form of life right in front of us. for instance a
group of kinglons appears in central park. creation de nova. everyone
would believe by the 5 pm evening news.


what would it take to turn a creationist into a theistic evolutionist?
just a little more reading. so the problem for the creationist camp
is the slippery slope, man the battlements and don't give an inch or
we will certainly lose the battle as we lose the brightest young minds
who go to university and study.

i think the problem with creationist and now ID is that they are
fighting the wrong battle for the right reasons. the issue for the
religious community is the nature of man. not the technic of creation.
given the historical change from babylonian vault of heaven over a
flat earth, to geocentric astronomy to modern big bang each finding
supporters in the Bible in their battle against the next theory. we
see physics modifying our/our predecessors views. now is the time for
biology to help us re analyze what it is that God tells us in
scripture.

go back to basics. two books of God's revelation to man. the book of
scripture and the book of nature. they can not contradict each other.
only appear to because we are unable to correctly interpret them.

God uses means. now gene duplication is proposed as one of the
essential elements to provide material for evolution to operate upon.
ID proposes that *od doesn't need junk around to work with(like my
yard, i may need that piece of steel someday, while now it just sits
rusting). ID ought to proposes a slim, to the exact point needed
genome. nothing extra, nothing just sitting around. but we know
better, lots of junk. which theory best explains the data and gives us
productive experimental directions to proceed in....evolution. ID
doesnt proposed a research program at all. like it's forebearer it is
sterile. nothing more than a rear guard action to stall the
encroaching hordes.

it's a same we ought to be using our time better and really discuss
what bothers us.

Sometime between her last email message to Calvin at about 8pm on sep 5 2000 and early morning sep 7th, my mom took a 38 put it into her mouth and blew off the top of her head. Just in the way my career military uncle Gordon told her would be the best way to be sure you killed yourself and not suffer. For my mom was as afraid of suffering as she was being alone, without my dad, whose 6th month death anniversary was the 5th. None of us kids remembered that fact until after her death, but my mom had written it on her calendar, bud’s been gone 6 months now the entry read.



When my dad died I asked my brother to clean out all of the ammunition from the house before mom had a chance to use it. For both her and Gordon always talked about committing suicide rather than outlive their usefulness, but my uncle died quietly in a nursing home soon after major surgery. Only my mom carried out those threats we had heard over the years. Strange how tightly my dad held on to life, while my mom so easily ended her’s without being sick or some other major problem, just the loneliness that most woman will feel as their husbands leave years or decades before them.



Despite the pain mom’s unwarranted suicide causes those who love her, I still insist on my right to “go out on the iceberg” when the time arrives. Abuse of something is no argument against its use. Like my carrying of mom’s 38, a constant reminder that it is not the gun’s fault the ending of her life, it is mom’s choice. The gun did only what was asked of it, it is not guilty, either by association or by usage of any sin in her demise. It can still serve me well if called upon to defend my life, once it spoke to kill, it can yet speak again to save.



In a way I am proud of her. She had the guts to really do it. I am certainly proud of the way she rose to the occasion with dad’s cancer those last few years. She drove to LA, took up all the driving at home as well. She fed him through the stomach tubes and really showed herself to be a competent caring person after years of lying in bed.



When dad died my questions revolved around things like: was he a good man, did he ever cheat on mom, why did he stay with her all those bad years, will he be in heaven, was his a useful and happy life???? I even now 3 years later really can’t give you a firm answer to these worries. Steve said dad was happy the last few years, mom too. But I don’t know. Was his a life worth living?



With mom it is easier. No way. She wasted a life lying about in bed. She was never really happy except for moments of pride in us kids. She really lived vicariously through us, never really striving for a distinct fulfilled life for herself. I wonder if the idea occurred to her, going out and working and seeing what she was really made up of inside. Easier to watch TV and reading romance books I quess, some reading is really not worth the time it takes.



But all in all the real questions about our folks death revolve around our impending demise. For we are next. Their worries of medical care and infirmities are seen in our stiff fingers and sore backs getting out of bed in the morning. Our parent’s lives no longer insulate us from the doom common to all life, death. Personal, up close and tomorrow. Inescapable now their generation is gone. Dewey, Tom, alma’s dad, pastor Braum, all gone, all voices silenced, all people I can never again sit with down to a cup of coffee and ask for their stories.



My dad went through a mid life crisis at about 55, I remember the barbeque down at the boat docks for him. The fishing boat and that year spent so disastrously at sea where his last grasp to do something he wanted to do, his capitulation and going back to work at GD the admittance that he was never going to be anything more than he was.



But what about me? What will my kids decide was my life’s value? Was it a life, which they could see was worth living? Will they think I was happy?? Or will the bad things in my life so overwhelm their thinking that they can’t decide or worse yet come to believe that my life was a waste of time.

Phil called and expressed a concern that my faith might be overly intellectual and not a true saving faith. How do we know?



To answer the question I need to know me, what am I, how do I perceive myself?



I am conscious of being two different kinds of things, hooked and tied together. Mind/soul/spirit and body. Something physical and something else, the body seems clear enough, it is the mind/soul/spirit that gives me the most difficulty. I am somehow conscious of looking outward from myself, through my eyes; the thing inside (behind those eyes, inside that looks out) appears to consist of two distinctly different types of consciousness. I call them intellect/reason/mind versus emotion/feelings. I do not know where the words come from that I think, I do not know where the anger I far too often express comes from. I am only conscious of images that give this dichotomy body. The most common image I use is of a stormy sea, with the waves breaking high into the air. My emotions are the sea, my intellect the air above it, I am suspended just above the water, often the sea engulfs me and I am filled full of emotion, but most of the time I am in the intellectual sphere, in the air, I can see the water, often feel it but am anchored in the air. I know both parts: emotion and intellect together are me, my mind. But I am also conscious of the power of that lower part, and choose to live primarily above it, in the relative safety of a more intellectual life.



This is the way I like to perceive myself, striving to be like Mr. spock, always far above the water, in the completely intellectual air, inhabited by the birds flying far above my head. But I know the emotions are me, just as the intellectual part is me. I distrust these seas; I see them as the source of most of our human troubles. Emotions are unbridled, uncontrolled, undisciplined, and free to wreak havoc. I know they are the motivators, the push, and the magma for the volcano’s eruption. It is their strength, their explosive character that I fear. Control of these emotions is important, but denial will only increase their strength and unpredictability.



Reason/intellect is the tool we are/have to do this controlling. The bridling of passion, the channeling, the sublimation, of emotion is part of the job for reason. Its other purpose is planning, forecasting the future and providing for it. I prefer to live in my world dominated by books, by reason, by intellectual discourse. I don’t like music; don’t understand art, suspicious of passions of all types but the driving passions to put it all together, to understand, to grok it all. Just a preference based on my perception of myself as an emotional being liable to get in trouble without reason’s careful continuous control.



So given these image of self, what is saving faith and the roles of intellect versus emotion?



Saving faith is not mere intellectual assent, but a wholehearted trust in God. You say you know Jesus is the Son of God; you do well, for even the daemons know his name and tremble. So ask an easier question first, how do I know I love my wife and my kids? Is love just this mushy feeling that I want to be with her? This general feeling that somehow I would rather have the kids around to watch them investigate the world? To prefer their company to that of another? If we introspect the answer, if we look inside for what is love, we are misdirecting the question. We need to look outwardly, at what our actions are, for they betray our real feelings, the real us. We are too easily deceived by our inner nature. Deceiving our actions is much harder for they take so much effort over a long sustained time. What we really believe, what we really care for will come out in the long run as a desire to see the object of affection taken care of. I know I love my wife, not because I am faithful to her, but because in the long run, day after day I am concerned with her welfare, I care about her. The faithfulness is a secondary effect that I would not wish to hurt her with unfaithfulness. Like pretty is pretty does, love is seen as outward appearance of consistency with that love. I do the love I feel.



I believe the American church is infected with a disease that can only be called easy believism. Some how the church has come to believe in a magical incantation of words that bind salvation to us. The appeal of this easy believism is to the emotions. To get people into heaven we cast an appeal to their hearts to utter the currently in vogue mantra to open the door of heaven. I don’t believe it. I understand that the power of sin is throughout our beings. I don’t believe that my intellect is any less tainted by sin than my emotional matrix, but I have tools in the reason/intellectual sphere to control sin’s effects. My emotions do not seem to have a set of controlling tools, they just are, they just bubble up. I can modify them when I can see them, but I bet it is the emotions that I am unaware of, that work under conscious level that are the most important, as well as the most potentially damaging. As a result of this thinking I base my appeal of scriptures, of God’s word primarily to the intellect.



But that doesn’t answer the question of how I know my faith is truly saving faith and not mere intellectual assent? Because of the outward way I work out my salvation with fear and trembling. My feelings of love and trust in God cause me to desire to please Him. I asked to join the church for one reason: outside of the church there is no ordinary means of salvation, neglect not the means of salvation. I intellectually know the confessions points but until I act upon them, until I do the things that demonstrate the inner man, I myself do not know what I really believe. I am not by nature very friendly, I deeply dislike hugging, and I am uncomfortable with any conversation that doesn’t begin with a quote from my latest reading. I do not desire church membership to be around people, I really am uncomfortable most of the time in company, but God said neglect not the means of grace…Hey gang, do what you’ve been told to do. If you believe then the behavior will be modified to fit what you believe.



Trust in God as revealed in Jesus His messiah, begins for me in intellectual exploration of what the two books of God: scripture and nature reveal to us about God. But it doesn’t end there; it extends downward into that vast sea of emotion, into that cauldron of lava that we call our emotional selves. It anchors itself into changed emotions that are not natural to us, emotions to love, to trust, and to rely upon God not just for provision of our physical bodies but also for hope that He will continue to fix the problems that are us. That He will show me where my ideas are wrong, and cause the motivation to explore, to investigate, to love the world He has put me into. This is not because I uttered some magical words to invite Him into my life, it is solely because He changed a heart of stone into a heart of flesh, something inside loves Him and desires to please Him. Just as I know I love my wife because I try to harness and control the anger that I express towards her, tells me that I am unsatisfied with me because she suffers. I change me to conform to her expectations. Just as I change my reasoning, that most precious to me, to conform to what I believe the scriptures teach, because I love Him I try to keep His commandments.



So how do I as an arid, overly read, pretentious, hope to be intellectual know I have a saving faith? By works, I do the things that I know are consistent with God’s expectations of me, not because they will save me, but because of the gratitude inside for what He gave me. First, life itself, second hope of life to come like Jesus arose from the grave, but mostly the hope that He will work within me to do His good pleasure to recreate me as a pleasing creature in His sight. It is the long-term desire to love God that betrays the inner man as saved, I do things to please God; just as I do things that I do not want to do to please my wife. But for me each step starts with buying a new book…

"To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a
child. For what is the worth of human life, unless it is woven into the
life of our ancestors by the records of history."
attributed to cicero, found on the historybioreading group at yahoo groups

more from joel baehr via bn online course

MY OWN SITE:
http://www.joelbaehr.com
MY TEACHERS:
Lama Surya Das:
1) http://www.dzogchen.org
This site has many good links, too. (for teaching/retreat
schedule: http://www.dzogchen.org/teachings/index.htm)
2) http://www.surya.org
3) http://www.americanbuddha.org
(especially see:
http://www.americanbuddha.org/oldsite2000/article_perfection.
html)
Lama John Makransky
http://www2.bc.edu/~makransk/
OTHER SITES:
Excellent site for everything, including huge list of links:
http://www.buddhanet.net
Buddhism Glossary:
http://www.ic.sunysb.edu/Clubs/buddhism/glossary.html
Very brief summary of Buddhism:
http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/dharma/introduction/overview.html
More extensive site:
http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/buddhaintro.html
A Kagyu site:
http://www.kagyu.org/buddhism/bud00.html
Lama Zopa:
http://www.fpmt.org/
Brief Tibetan History
http://www.friends-of-tibet.org.nz/tibet.html
Barre, MA center:
http://www.dharma.org/
Spirit Rock Meditation Center (Jack Kornfield)
http://www.spiritrock.org/
Thich Nhat Hanh
http://www.plumvillage.org/
A friend, author, meditation teacher:
http://www.deansluyter.com
A great site for participation:
http://www.edepot.com/buddha.html
BIOETHICS
http://www.changesurfer.com/Bud/BudBioEth.html
ZEN OXHERDING PICTURES
http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/ox.html

from barnes and noble online course on buddhism and everyday life. captured here since i don't know if the site is accessible after the class ends.

The Four Thoughts That Turn the Mind to Dharma:

Four thoughts turn the mind to Dharma, which means "truth" and "that which supports" (which is reality, is it not?). They are as follows:

1. Everything dies.

2. Human birth is rare and precious.

3. Our thoughts and intended actions create the future (karma).

4. Suffering is inevitable.
Parting From the Four Attachments

By Sakya Pandita (12th century Tibet):

When you are attached to this world and this life, you cannot practice the Way.

When you are attached to habitual patterns, you are not free.

When you are attached to your own wellbeing, you lack the precious heart of awakening (bodhicitta).

When you are attached to ideas, opinions, and a point of view, you cannot see How Things Are.
'The Three Principles of the Path'

The Three Principles of the Path were written by Txongkhapa, a 14th century Tibetan scholar and reformer, founder of the Gelugpa school. They are Renunciation -- noticing and becoming sick of samsara; Bodhicitta (awakened heart-mind) -- discovering that we are all in the same boat; Sunyata (emptiness) -- seeing into the heart of reality, that there are no self-existing phenomena, but everything arises together.
The Seven Factors of Awakening

The Seven Factors of Awakening are:

1) Mindfulness

2) Investigation

3) Indefatigability

4) Enjoyment

5) Tranquility

6) Concentration

7) Equanimity

Ways to Practice Renunciation

Surya Das recommends several ways to practice renunciation.

1) Reflect on the Four Thoughts (Four Mind Changers)

2) Practice simplicity (live lower on the "food chain")

3) Cultivate contentment, rather than satisfaction

4) Do "graveyard" meditation (visit cancer ward, emergency ward)

5) Fast.

exercise for writinglives


i see my life as a road, oftentimes as a straight road without
crossroads or branches. but now i know better, many times there have
been roads-not-taken, paths for some reason i didnt pursue. not a
cause for regrets as much as a cause to stop and contemplate what
could have been.

the army marks the first BIG crossroad. leaving the parental home
forever behind, even to the point of mailing home the clothes you
started the path in, so everything you owned at that point came from
the army. but i met alma and we had 2 kids while i was in. so how bad
could it have been? almost 5 years and a good story of how you can
manipulate the organization to get what you want without paying
anything in return. and of course the major leason: without
possibility of failure you eliminate the chance to succeed as well.
they are a matching pair, life requires and even demands both.

the second x-road was getting out and finishing school, back on the
regular straight and narrow, but i soon fell off, into seminary. both
going into and leaving theology school was the 3rd x-road. certainly i
had the best possible education at ucsd and later at westminster, i
just wish money hadnt raised it's ugly head and i could have finished
seminary. but kids ended up beating the books, despite their names.
(my kids are named for the author of whatever book i was reading when
my wife went into labor, we have a calvin, augustine irenaus, justin)

part of the falling off the customary middle class bandwagon of the
good life in the suburbs with a nice intellectual middle class job was
travelling in a school bus with 6 kids for almost 10 years, selling
stuff at swapmeets, reading at the local libraries during the week. i
enjoyed it but eventually mandatory school laws caught up to us and we
settled down in tucson. so the 4th was a period of trial and testing,
the family endured, the kids grew up sanely, kindof anyhow. the final
product remains to be seen as the youngest is 18.

so that makes 5 cross roads, now in tucson, with a job repairing
electronic items like tv, computers, vcr's i went back to school.
worked on ba in computer sci, electrical engineering. compilers,
developmental bio, or AI, i wouldnt exchange those classes for any job
memories.

and the 6th, quitting it all to travel in china for 3 summers. what a
place, an amazing culture the chinese. worth every moment to travel
and to see it. sure wish my wife wanted to chuck it all and go there
to teach english for a few years. there still is time, maybe that will
be the 7th turning point to mark my time here on earth.


so 6 times i've turned, at least 6 times opened up new possibilities
while closing off the old. a branching path that is me and to an
extent those i helped to come into this world of branches and
decisions and cross roads of the living.

exercise for writinglives
writinglives


pg 9 "if you have never kept a journal, this may be the time to begin"



-=-=-

There are several bound plain page journal books staring down at me
from the top book shelf. Each has a few pages written on, with widely
scattered dates. Mute evidence of a desire to keep a journal and the
lack of discipline to care out this desire.

My folks died a couple of years ago. Their deaths became a peak event
in my life like parent's deaths are/ought to be in most people's
lifes. You know someone well who is no longer here, and the fact that
you are next becomes more inescapable then it was when your
grandparent's died. An event you observed more than participated as
you watched your parent's grief for their's. Watched your parent's
come to grips with their mortality. I bring this up because at that
time i looked at my regrets, the things i ought to have done but
didn't. Gladly my regrets were negative, often i have seen friends
more concentrated on the positive type of regrets, those things they
did they wish they hadn't. This positive type are much harder to
change then the negative.

Well, top of my list two years ago was journal keeping, and guess
what? I still don't keep a journal. Some life changing event-huh. I
had even better motivation as a few years back i decided to read
biographies of a few of my favorite people. Looking to answer the
question of why a few people seem to get so much done in their lives
while the masses of us get so very little really accomplished.

Two attributes stood out--- letter writing and journal keeping. Both
seem to do the same thing. They allow an ongoing dialogue with
yourself and maybe others. Time to reflex, time to re-examine.

I hope this book will re-inspire me to write, to keep a journal.


-=-=-
there is my first 5 minute exercise.

post to:the highway

I am bothered by an issue and would appreciate some help sorting out the strings of thought involved.

In it's bluntest form the question is why does science progress and theology just sit there?

Part of the answer seems to involve the certainty of the knowledge in each discipline which would be part of the epistemology of each. But the more i think about certainty i am led to the idea that the reason revolves around how to change someone's mind.

In science, since K. Popper, most scientists would believe that scientific propositions must be falsifiable in order to be scientific.
This is to force new information to be constantly corrected, verified, etc. All with one objective in mind, widest possible acceptance sphere. That is if anyone can disprove the idea they are welcome to do it. Therefore the knowledge that the community holds in common has a very high level of acceptance and consistency between it's members. Since anyone is free to dispute and to prove something is wrong and not eligible for inclusion in the canon.

In theology the constituent communities are so much smaller, all striving for universality(maybe even claiming it), but nothing approaches the size and shape of the scientific communities. The knowledge is held in almost the opposite format as well. Creeds, confessions etc are worded positively, that is what you must believe to be true, to be inside. But the big difference is what happens if you disagree. In science there is a freedom(if you can be heard!), to show that the general consensus is wrong, and in the process change everyone's mind. In theology the community splits if the issue is big enough, sides line up and the vote is taken. Why?

Science appears monolithic, theology divisive and fragmented. Is this an issue of epistemology? or of sociology?
The crucial issue appears to be how to change people's minds about the central, important issues. How to modifiy the canon? Is there a substitute for continuing revelation?

books working on for the barnes-noble online class on evolution
-=-=-=-

monad to man

shattering the myths of darwinism

evolution a theory in crisis

the monkey in the mirror

evolution the triumph of an idea

the structure of evolutionary theory
becoming human
-=-=-=-

review of the private life of mao

his is an excellent book, an interesting read about one of the most important people of the 20th century. A few of the author's insights are very good: mao was a 19th century man trying to understand the 20th century and the problems of scientific development of his country, he was never really up to it. Mao as a historian of chinese history modelled himself after some of the worse of the chinese emperors, consciously using people's feelings and grossly manipulating those around him to be loyal to him above all else. As i reflect on the book i see it as a necklace of pearls, a group of personal encounters of the author with mao, strung together chronologically with very little analysis or self examination on the author's part. Certainly he regretted his part in the government in his old age, he remarks as his feelings towards mao changes over the years to disillusion, but the book is not about how mao effected him personally. This, i believe is from how he must have written the book, for during the cultural revolution he burned 40 volumes of his notes and journals out of a well placed fear that they would incriminate him if they fell into the hands of the red guards. So what did he use to write the book, his memory over a 60 year period? I think this is why the book has the character of a stringing together of incidents, a pearl necklace of events where his life and that of mao intersected. I don't fault the writing, the facts are probably as true as memory can make them, but i wonder how much better the book would have been if he had gotten those burnt books to someplace safe. To later use them as primary reference to write this book. For history, truth and factuality is most important, therefore i would classify this as a well written memoir rather than coherent purposeful history....but whatever the genre you really ought to read this book, if only to glimpse the heart of a man responsible for the deaths of 60 million chinese...

take a page from alesha's work.....look up all the words you are not sure of. and learn them.

apotheosis

n. (pl. -ses ) deification; ascent to glory; personification of ideal. apotheosize, v.t.


atavism

n. reversion to remote ancestral type; 'throw-back'; recurrence of hereditary feature after an interval of a generation or more. atavistic, a. pertaining to remote ancestor. atavist, n. person or thing marked by atavism.


meliorism

n. belief that world and humankind tend to grow better. meliorist, n. melioristic, a. meliority, n. improved state.

all from _the metaphysical club_ a story of ideas in america by louis menand. amazon

a little bit behind on what i intended to do online since i had to go to maine and get alma's mom here for the winter.

books on the desk, either reading or to be read



• the gate of heavenly peace, jonathan spence---more on china, spence is very good
  
  
• voluntary simplicity by duane elgin
  
  
• the web of life by fritjof capra---to reread quickly
  
  
• a history of the arab peoples by hourani---on pg 113, calvin's textbook
  
  
• freedom by orlando patterson---a library book started but not finished years ago, pg 107
  
  
• dream-working handbook by mclean
  
  
• cheating monkeys and citizen bees by dugatkin
  
  
• introduction to the philosophy of science by klee
  
  
• backgrounds of early christianity by ferguson
  
  
• search for modern china by spence---pg 415, read on the plane to maine
  
  
• eleusis by kerenyi
  
  
• zoroastrians by mary boyce
  
  
• darwin's forgotten defenders by david livingstone
  
  
• open society and its enemies by popper
  
  
• religion and the rise of western culture by dawson
  
  
• writing for your life by deena metzger
  
  
• life and death in shangai by nie cheng
  
  
• the iranians by sandra mackey---book club, pg 204
  
  
• the private life of chairman mao by zhisui li---leftover from china, pg 257
  
  

review of _the origins of the mithraic mysteries_ by ulansey

I bought the book hoping/expecting to read something about the relationship of the mithric mysteries to early christianity. this is certainly NOT what the book is about. if you desire this type of information try _background of early christianity_ by ferguson. but the book was not a disappointment at all, for it reads more like a detective story then anything else, certainly a quick and interesting read. It is about the author's theory that the mithraic mysteries have nothing to do with the mithras of persian origin but rather have everything to do with the precession of the equinoxes. he builds a convincing case for me, not a professional astronomer by any means. the book is well done and at a layman's level requiring little to no backqround in astronomy to understand the arguments. what makes the book rather interesting in itself is that it is a good example of how to do scientific research. particularly how to interact with past theories so as to integrate new ideas without being to dependent on past heroes.

review of _falling leaves_

It is an absorbing memoir of growing up in China as part of a best described as dysfunctional family with a rather cruel stepmother. After reading it i was struck by the idea of relative poverty. This is the concept that it is not absolute dollar income that makes people feel poor, but rather how they compare theyselves to their immediate neighbors. This is important because the author is the daughter of at-one-time one of the richest men in HongKong, yet she describes her childhood in terms of impoverishment that rivals street beggars. We feel her pain and the anguish of a sensitive soul, but the problem is that she lived in the midst of one of the poorest, most deprived populations on earth while going through some of the most horrific changes a society has ever seen. Yet she poignantly tells the story of not having eggs at the boarding school in HongKong, while millions died only a few hundred kilometers to the north.... Poor little rich girl complaining... but the quality of the writing and the heartfelt attachments to her grandfather and aunt certainly override these ideas while reading the book. It is only on reflection afterwards that these issues begin to creep up. Overall a good book and a contribution to the genre of women growing up in china, although i believe the best is still _wild swans_.

review of _quantum evolution_ by mcfadden

The author has a pet theory to describe and convince you is important-quantum evolution. But to get to that point, he presents a very good, college level introduction to both the physics of quantum mechanics and biology as it is related to evolutionary theory. If you don't have a degree in biology or physics the book fills in the details and makes his theory understandable, quite an accomplishment in any field, to popularize leading edge science. All the more so impressive in a field, evolution and quantum mechanics, dominated by BIG controversy and extreme partisanship. I liked the style of the writing and the presentation as scientifically accurate but at an educated layman's level. As an introduction to the field and as a brief explanation of his theories I can think of no better book. Only disappointment was that I expected the book to start with the material in chapter 10, his theory, and would appreciate him writing another book that takes the reading of this one for granted and really gets into the idea that quantum events can effect macroscopic events like evolution at more than just crucial breakthrough type of points.

review of _ruined by reading_ by schwartz

Like the author i can remember the books i read as a child (with great fondness), i have those books even today, and like her they are my old and familiar friends. But unlike her most of those books have been nonfiction, for i thought/think those were the way to see the real world. After reading this book i realize that the gap i thought existed between nonfiction and fiction isn't really important. For she sees books, like i imagine most readers do, as a funny kind of mirror which reflects the reader's inner world at the same time as displaying the author's world. I think the gap is between readers and nonreaders, who like those described this book as visual or picture people, identify with films rather than books. The book is a memoir which asks the big question on our reading minds-- does it matter if i can't remember what is in the books? She answers it- "For in the end, even if all my books where to vanish, I would still have them somewhere, if I had read them attentively enough. Maybe the words on the page are not even the true book, in the end only a gateway to the book which recreates in the mind and lasts as long as we do." The book is a real treat for anyone who like her, is often asked, "haven't you wasted your life, by reading rather than experiencing life?" She answers this with the thought that her life is so intertwined with the books she has read and thereby experienced, and so made a part of her. That it doesn't matter, which is books and which is real life for they together make her, her. It's a good book, short, poignant with echoes and parallels apparent to any readers life. Go for it, spend a pleasant hour with this book.

review for _wittgenstein's poker_ by edmonds.

We seem to have a vision of the ivory tower's upper floors being inhabited by philosophers, mathematicans and maybe theoretical physicists. People so divorced from reality that they can walk down the street without even noticing that they forgot to put on their pants this morning. This book effectively challenges this viewpoint of philosophers, first by starting with a downright potentially violent confrontation between K. Popper and L. Wittgenstein, and from there by delving into each man's biography and professional studies to show how their rather opposing viewpoints interact. While involved in this endeavor they manage to sneak in a decent freshman introduction to modern Western philosophy, of course with special attention to the issues that directly involve the two men, particularly the philosophy of science and of language. For a book whose reason for writing- a short meeting where these two philosophers meet for first and only time in their lives, despite both being Viennian émigrés- seems tenuous at best, it is rather surprisingly good. The issues discussed in philosophy are well presented, certainly better than most textbooks, the book is well written with a pace that keeps your attention and certainly helps keep your eyes on what is usually a rather dry subject. I'm not sure the average reader will be able to get through it but a person with some interest in philosophy will benefit from this quick read.

message posted to historybiography yahoo group.
where _guns of august_ is september's book.

From: "richard williams"
Date: Mon Sep 23, 2002 12:42 pm
Subject: guns of august review links

Hello everyone.

i am new to the group, just finished _guns of august_. i'd like to
tell you that both amazon and half.ebay have mechanisms to post
reviews for items.


guns of august customer reviews at amazon.com

somewhat
selfserviing link to half.com's reviews of guns of august as mine
is the only one.

I'd like to encourage everyone to write reviews of their favorite
books and put them up on the net as i for one peruse the reviews
before i invest in another book.(to say nothing of maybe making us
better writers)

From reading most of the 71 reviews posted at amazon, it is her
writing technique where _guns of august_ reads more like a racy novel
than military history, and her indepth analysis of the general's
personalities that gives the book it's remarkable reader appeal.

this week's web activities

• current list of books for sale at half.com
  
• upromise a way of getting money into a child's 509 scholarship account via the normal things you buy
  
• netflix, looks like a very nice way to get dvd's
  
• amazing reviewer at amazon.com
  

my rewritten book review as posted to the customer reviews section at amazon.com

book review of Wild Swans:
I bought the book in an English language bookstore in the PRC. I mention this because it is certainly not available in China in Chinese, for it is very critical of the party and how it treats it's members. See the chapters about the author's father, his undying loyalty to the party and the years of mistreatment he received for his efforts. Told through the eyes of three generations of the author's family, from the footbound grandmother to the author herself, the first chinese woman to get a PhD in England. It mirrors the events of history in the tales told within her family. 'Soft' history, softened by family stories yet never mushy or overly sentimental, the book has my highest rating, for it simply pulls you into her family, into her Chinese culture. So that you really feel the history as it moves, at times literally over the bodies of it's victims. Unlike many biographies it doesn't have slow chapters where the author feels obligated to cover the years despite really having nothing to say. It is evenly written, with the best parts being how she matures through the cultural revolution to eventually getting a degree in English and going to England to study.
Knowing that millions of Chinese have similar stories of sadness and heroism, deprivation and the desire to flourish, stupidity and education, all mixed up and awaiting someone to sort the stories out and share them with the world, I am certainly glad this one reached my hands. I hope that someday it will be a best seller in Chinese, in China......You don't have to be a lover of China or the Chinese to get something out of it, just a student of human behavior and history. Where people like the author overcome enormous obstacles to shine, to rise above their past, showing all the rest of us the humanity that we all share, and how motivation is the greater part of success in all endeavors.

i'm going to try to post the current books i'm reading on the desk (and elsewhere) on sundays...

• dream working handbook by mclean
  
• cheating monkey and citizen bees by dugatkin
  
• wittgenstein's poker by edmonds
  
• intro to the philosophy of sci by klee
  
• the iranians by mackey
  
• ruined by reading by schwartz
  
• history of arab peoples by hourani
  
• guns of august by tuchman
  
• inventing mormonism by marquardt
  

review of the movie the Princess and the Warrior

I watch movies to think and to feel new things. Things which in my life I will probably never be able to experience firsthand. Most hollywood movies are escapist and discourage critical thought, luckily this movie is not hollywood-made. It pulls you into the protagnoist's lives in a surrealist way. As the other reviewers have aptly pointed out the music and the filming are terrific, adding to the suspense and the viewer's involvement. It lacked only plausible explanation/connections at a few critical points which decreased the believable factor.

book review of wild swans

i bought the book in an english language bookstore in the PRC, yunnan province, dali city. i mention this because it is certainly not available in china in chinese, for it is very critical of the party and how it treats it's members. told through the eyes of three generations of the author's family, from the footbound grandmother to the author, the first chinese woman to get a phd in england, it mirrors the events of history in the tales told within her family. 'soft' history, softened by family stories yet never mushy or overly sentimental, the book has my highest rating, it pulls you into her family, into her chinese culture, so that you really feel the history as it moves, at times literally over the bodies of it's victims.

book review of between silk and cyanide by leo marks


Leo Marks is the son of the famous bookstore owner immortalized by romantic movie "84 Charing Cross Road". The bookstore and his childhood interest in codes stand him in good stead for the job he does for England during WW2 working for the cryptographic center that communicates with England's spies and secret agents in Europe. His words are enchanting, humor is evident on every page, he opens up and shares his thoughts with us as a 22-25 year old, out-of-place in the military, code maker genius. A not-to-be-missed opportunity to see the topic from the inside through the eyes of a particularly good author who will hold your attention through the entire volume. No low spots, no chapters best skipped, a real treat for a bookworm.....

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my brother steve's daughter's name is colette.
i can never seem to remember if it is 1 l or 2.
so i wrote this little poem to remember it by.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
hello to youall via colette
{with one "l" and two "t"s}
thank you for coming to collect
{with two "l"s and one "t"},
all the memories you could find.
from here at jamie's wedding so fine.

we will certainly remember
that your two, andrew and colette.
{with one "l" and two "t"s}
are the best cousin's to recollect.
{with two "l"s and one "t"}
So we will see you in november.

Because it is far the better,
for families at weddings to reunite.
then for the sadness of funerals.
with our eyes so much redder.

Even better for the christening,
of the next generation.
-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
surprising how few words rhyme with colette

try to concentrate on just a few things:
1-get the house fixed up and useable
2-organize my reading, write book reviews for the books i really like, join and participate in a few nonfiction book clubs, use half.com to sell the books i dont want to pass on to the kids.
3-begin to write, webpages, book reviews, short papers
4-get the welding shop working so i can design and build when i want to.

i turned 49 this august. figured it was time i organized some of my thoughts and began to get something done, as time is now the limiting factor.